Counting down the days...

              I wish i was counting down the days for something exciting, but thats just not the case. Counting down the days until Steve leaves for his deployment. It really sucks but i keep telling myself its only a year, we will be just fine and time will fly. Then i look over at Scotty who is 5 and doesnt quite get whats about to happen? How am i going to make it through this next year comforting him all the while staying strong when he knows everytime something is bothering me. Steve had to go spend a week in the field training last week and he didnt come home at all, and Scotty was bummed about that. How can he grasp the reality of not having his dad for a year, and all he will get are letters and skype calls? My sister sent us some great books, he loves his and i also loved mine. It was very helpful to read from  a woman who was going through it and she could put a comedic spin on things. It was really helpful but i just dont know if there is actually anything that can prepare me for whats about to happen.
            I havent cried or even gotten upset in front of Steve, i dont want him to worry about me or think hes doing something wrong by leaving. I know and he knows he has to and its what we signed up for when he decided to do this and I will always support him 1000 percent. I said the other day to a friend, "oh i think i will be fine, i do well in crappy situations" not sure this is something to be proud of but i do consider myself a strong and independent person and this certainly is a crappy situation but am i strong and independent enough to be both parents for the next year in our sons life? i know i know i keep going back to scotty and how worried i am for him but when it comes down to it, i get whats going on, i get that steve will be gone for a year and i can handle it (i think) and i also get that he is in danger,  but scotty is 5, he doesnt and  he is used to having his dad around. i would give anything to not make him sad a day in his life if i could but i cant and it just brings me back to wondering how we will make it this next year.....
              Well, that is my rant for the day i have to go, i promised i would watch cartoons with scotty and go to the playground so we are off for the day.